I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
