if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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