As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Randomize
