I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
