just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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