all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
