I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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