I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
