So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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