when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
