Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
