There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
