So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
well most of my day revolves around power hour
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
