This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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