So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
