too bad you live with your parents still
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
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