haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
