then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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