Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
