he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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