i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
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