Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
