you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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