I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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