Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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