I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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