the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
