her facebook's as public as her vagina
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
