Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
