She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
