I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
