What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
