i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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