WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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