im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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