i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
