I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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