matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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