Non-Jews are for practice
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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