The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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