can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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