the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
