I just threw up on my dentist
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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