Can i not drive my cunt home
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
