3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
