just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
