The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
