P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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