I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
