Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
