I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I forgot wine drunk hurts
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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