Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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