im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize
