This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
